God Knows the Plan

Grace,

Last week your dad was in Australia on business and we were out to eat together.  I always tell you we're ladies who lunch when we do that.  You weren't carrying on much of a conversation with me since you'd brought your play cell phone into the place & were busy with that.  I overheard a woman and her friend talking about how hard it was to watch their friends get married and start to have kids.  Still single, they were happy with life but couldn't help wondering when they'd meet their husbands.  They felt God had a plan for them but just wished marriage would be part of it sooner rather than later.

You leaned over their booth & started talking with them so I did, too, admitting I'd overheard them.  I told them that just five-six years ago, my friend Chrissy & I were saying the same things.  We laughed over the common ground and I told them what I'd tell you.

I am so happy none of my other relationships worked out because I would not have been as happy as I am today--not by a long shot! I always thought God had a husband out there for me somewhere & I would sometimes pray for him. I would pray that my future husband had a good day the next day...and that he would get his act together and find me!  :)  I met my husband in God's perfect timing and I never dreamed I would be THIS happy.  Your daddy is so sweet, patient, and he humors me as only he could.  My life is nothing short of amazing and nothing compared to what I imagined for myself.

Ten years ago:  I was just finishing graduate school and starting my career.  I had no idea my plans would be drastically changed when Em got sick, no idea I would ever move back to my hometown.

Six years ago:  I was taking care of my sister and making plans to do so for the rest of my life.  A boyfriend had just dumped me and I thought that was probably it for my dating life/possible marriage/family life some day.  I came to accept that my place was as a caregiver.

Five years ago:  Em was better & moved out.  Not only that, she was getting married and moving to Florida!  Two months later I met your daddy after randomly deciding to do match.com with a friend.

Four years ago today:  I married the best man ever!  We planned to have at least two children and live in the house in MI.

Three years ago:  We had you and found out you'd be our one and only, making you even more special to us if that were possible!

Since then, we've moved twice and aren't sure what the future holds.  I'd like to think we've given up any sense of long term planning.  Here's why:  God knows the plans He has for us, not for despair but to give us hope and a future.  That is my family's mantra following Emily's sickness.  Grace, when in doubt Let Go & Let God.  When my sister was sick, it wasn't until I'd found peace with it that things changed.  When I found peace in being single, your daddy came along.  Every day now I find peace in my life with you and with your daddy.

Before he met me, your dad watched his mom suffer through and lose her battle with cancer.  He moved from North Dakota to Michigan and that was a big leap away from the security of family and friends.  Oddly enough, when I met your dad on our  first date, I was indifferent.  It wasn't until I mentioned the weight of caring for my sister and he said "I know what you mean. I took care of my mom." that I really took notice.  Because of my experiences with Emily, I appreciated his strength of character and admired his ability to love someone while watching them suffer. It is not easy--it is incredibly painful to watch someone you love suffer every day, with no way to help them.  We share an uncommon bond that has helped each of us to cherish each other & you all the more.  Life is special. It's precious.  We hang onto it and each other with both hands, appreciating each day and the little joys because we know how much the bad days can hurt.  Neither one of us get too worked up by the little things in life, including most of the messes you make because we know that there's really no sense in sweating the small stuff.

God always had a plan for us. We joke "How else would a girl born in Germany and a boy from Montana ever find each other?"  We appreciate each other because we waited so long, we lived so much during the wait, and share so many common experiences.

Our anniversary is today but we don't have much planned.  To be honest Grace, we live most of our days treating each other with kindness and love.  This day isn't too much different than any other in that sense.  We say I love you almost every night before we go to bed, we joke around rather than get truly angry at each other's faults, and we appreciate and focus on each other's good qualities.

I am sure God has so many amazing things planned for your life Grace.  Please remember that during hard times, you are growing.  God is teaching you more than you know and that knowledge will be essential down the road.  We all have to learn how to love, how to let go, and how to appreciate life.  The lessons don't come easy because they can't be taught easily.  If your road is harder, rest assured that God has so much joy waiting for you soon.  Six years ago I had a very, very hard road.  Now I have joy and the wisdom to appreciate it.  God will always be there & so will we.

I love you so much more than you'll ever know!  You are awesome and one of God's greatest gifts to me.  Thank you for bringing me so much joy every day.

Love,
Mom