Grace,
This past two months have been extremely stressful for your parents. Just three weeks after moving here for your daddy's new job, we found out the company was being bought out. My daddy (your grandpa) had been through a buy out before & I knew the truth: no good comes from a buyout if you are the company being bought.
A few months ago, your daddy did the unthinkable. He started looking for another job before his job was in trouble. Your daddy is a very smart man. He has an intuition when it comes to business & sees signs before others do. I hope that you consider his opinion on these matters when you're a big girl some day. I'm telling you, your daddy may not ever wash ALL the dishes or put his laundry in the right hampers for me, but when it comes to business, he's right.
When your daddy took this job, there was so much promise for it! Just three weeks in when the buyout was announced, he called me and said "I'm going to throw up." He felt so bad for moving us here. We made this move because his job in MI was unstable. We made this move so we'd have stability for you and for our family. That secure feeling was taken away 3 weeks after moving here and every month since has been stressful because we haven't known what would happen in the buyout. Your daddy has grown to absolutely hate his job and I don't blame him. In the first week of August, he started seriously job hunting.
I'll be honest with you Grace. Mommy is very good at SAYING "God will put us where He wants us." "God won't put us in a bad situation that can't be worked out for good later" and "Nothing comes to us except through God." Trusting God is a whole other battle for me. I did great the first week of your daddy's interviews. Since then it has been hard for me. Nothing about this has been making sense. Why did God move us only to move us again 11 months later? What is the plan here? Plus, I felt guilty after seeing you with your grandparents recently. Boy is there a love connection there! You love them so much & whenever we'd go anywhere, you'd cling to grandma, lest she possibly run off without you. They love you so much they can't bear to leave most times! I sew when stressed Grace & believe me I have been sewing!!! I cut over 500 doll diapers when your daddy was out interviewing in WA so I guess I'll be adding a doll shop soon to my online stores after I finish them. Your Halloween costume is half finished already, too, and it's still Sept!
My prayer for daddy's job interviews was the same: Let our path be made clear to us. When your daddy's phone interview with Washington went better than any other phone interview he's ever had, I thought "No way God wants us in Washington!" Panic set in. I don't know much about Washington. Spokane doesn't have a zoo. What if I'm not happy there? What if this is the worst decision we ever make? What if you hate us for taking us away from your grandparents?
This past week you've actually wanted me to sing you to sleep. I started with the same song every night, whose words spoke to my heart:
I don't want to leave here. I don't want to stay.
It feels like pinching to me either way.
They place I was wasn't perfect but I had found a way to live.
It wasn't milk or honey but then neither is this.
There's a section that goes:
If it comes too quick, I may not recognize it. Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
If it comes too quick, I may not appreciate it. Is that the reason behind all this time and sand?
It's about God's people wandering through the desert in search of the promise land. This is how I've been feeling Grace. We have loved a lot of things about Milwaukee but your daddy hates his job and I hate this stupid apartment. Why all this moving? Why this pit stop here in Milwaukee with this cheap, tiny apartment? Is it so we can recognize and appreciate our blessings when they come?
I think that is why Grace. Never mind that we can't always understand God's plans. When the big picture finally comes into view, it's beautiful the way God works. I don't see God's plan right now but I'm sure I will later. I am so thankful that there are friends in my life who helped keep me semi-faithful this past few months. I hope you have good friends like this someday. When I didn't know how to trust God one step further, your aunt Emily happened to call and she reminded me that God is always faithful. God provides for our needs. It was the encouragement I needed when I needed it & a perfect example of how God works.
The job search has been a mess this time. We had an offer here & an offer in WA. The WA offer ended up needing negotiated a couple of times due to problems with the recruiter of all things. There was a time we were wondering if God really did want us in WA. One night we both prayed very hard for answers, saying we'd walk away from WA because it didn't look like God's plan and the next morning, WA worked out. For the sake of honesty, I'll tell you that a company in IN really wants your daddy, too, but the only thing positive about the place is it's only 4 hours from grandma & grandpa. In comparing the other two offers, WA really beats out the job here. In the words of your grandpa "It's an offer you can't refuse." That's saying a lot for two grandparents that don't want to see you move across the country!
Your daddy signed the contract with WA last night. I feel like we were standing on a plank over an ocean of uncertainty and just took a flying leap off it. I guess in a way that's what we did. There's so much more uncertainty this time, especially since our last move didn't work out. I've never been to WA. We watched a documentary on bear maulings recently and that didn't help! We both hope this move is good for you and for us as a family. We've had you living in a super tiny apartment all year but this move means we'll be able to rent a house 2-3 times this size. You need space. Any house we'll rent will look like a mini mansion compared to this place! Our kitchen in the next place will be big enough for us to cook together, something that's been impossible in this tiny place. Of course I'm worried about making friends, missing family, moving you (not to mention hoping you'll love airplane flights!), and just about everything related to your future. There's a good chance we'll go overseas for a year with this job & while all the other changes scare me a bit I'm excited about that! Overall, my biggest worry is taking you from your grandparents. We're getting a new phone that will let you Skype from anywhere with them but I still worry that I'm ruining your life sometimes. Of course, I worry about that when I let you eat Fruit Loops (your favorite cereal) instead of something healthier!
When I talked to your Grandpa a little while back, I told him I was worried. We have one life, with a limited number of days. If we moved to Washington, how many days do I have left to spend with them? What is more important than time with family? He was very reassuring. My best friend Lisa reminded me that it is quality time, not quantity that matters. She's also right that no matter what happens, we will all work to keep the bond and relationship strong.
Your Veggie Tales video you've been making me replay over & over lately has reminded me that we should trust God's path. Maybe the best way to spend our days on earth is to follow the path God gives us, be a blessing to those we meet, and appreciate the time we do have with our family instead of hoarding time as if it belongs to us and not to God. Grace, I hope you're smarter than me & won't need to learn lessons from Veggie Tales at 34 years old! I also hope you know that whatever path we follow, we are trying to follow what God wants for us, you included. I love you and God is good! We're off to Washington in six weeks--are you ready to become a mountain woman with me? :)
