You are a beautiful little girl. Your strawberry blonde hair has these adorable ringlets of curls that warm my heart every time they bounce. You are smart, problem solving all the time & getting yourself in trouble for doing it, too. Not too much trouble though--you're too cute to actually get in real trouble.
You sat up at 5 months. You crawled at six months. You walked at 7 1/2 months. Your first word, Mom (thank you for that one!), was at 9 months. Then you stopped. Well, it wasn't that you stopped, more like slowed to a verbal crawl.
Your momma is a school psychologist & she knows child development. She knew an explosion of language development was just around the corner. And then there was another word here, another word there. Months went by and you didn't say mom again. You didn't say the other words again either. I worried.
At 18 months we were playing at the park and another girl a little younger than you was talking like crazy. You only said 3 words regularly. She was scared to go down the slide though. I beamed with pride at you going down the slide screaming whee! as you went. Inside, I worried.
Friends and family began commenting "She'd talk if you made her talk." "She doesn't talk because she doesn't have to." They gave examples of how other children your age were given time outs for a certain type of behavior or for not listening. We grimaced & defended you. "She doesn't understand." I'd say. Most just looked at us like we were too "soft," not realizing that judging our parenting skills wasn't helping.
Your second birthday marked the end of a very long year-long wait for me. That's a very long time for a mother to worry! At your two year check up, I began to cry as I tried to outline my concerns. Your vocabulary was 15 words. You have said many words but we don't hear them again. It's like your language disappears. They handed me a referral slip with a number to call.Your first speech evaluation was in January and it was hard for me. As I answered questions, I worried: No you didn't call for me, no you didn't show an interest in language, no you didn't like reading books with us but yes we tried every day, no you didn't use action words. Your vocabulary was 18-25 words. You scored so low on the test that it couldn't be scored. I cried as we talked about speech therapy options.
Today was your final speech evaluation & you will start speech therapy soon. I think today was the hardest day because today we found out exactly where things stand. You understand speech at an 11 month level. You speak at a 12 month level. What's "really alarming" to the speech therapist is that your understanding of language is lower than your speaking skills, which is very rare. The more we talked I realized--you didn't come for a bath because you didn't know what we were saying. You get upset when we leave somewhere or stop an activity because you don't understand phrases like "almost done" or "one more minute." You cry because to you it's all very sudden, without warning. You didn't come to eat until we put your plate on the table because you don't know what "it's time to eat" means. That one hit me the hardest. I tell you it's time to eat three times a day but you don't know what I'm saying.
You are a visual & hands on learner. You are incredibly independent. If you want a fork instead of a spoon to eat with you just go get it. When you have to go to the bathroom, you just go on your own. You practically potty trained yourself. You are a visual & hands on learner not to the detriment but to the exclusion of auditory learning. Your very strengths keep you from learning language.
As soon as the evaluators left today, I burst into tears. Sometimes that's how it is Grace, first you cry. I cried because we've already worked so hard every day to try and build your skills. I cried because you're as tall as a three year old but have the language skills of a one year old. Wherever we go, even some family members judge you already. They expect you to behave like your height. People can think we're bad parents Grace & that's why you can't talk or why you don't follow directions, that's not the part that scares me. I don't want people to think that you are stupid. That is my heart's biggest fear for you because yes, people judge two year olds sometimes harsher than they judge adults. You are so smart it scares us at times when you demonstrate your crazy problem solving skills but you don't speak the language so it can be hard for people to see. Your level of independence alone tells us you were made for great things.
Some people (not professionals) have suggested you need more time with kids your age. What they don't know is kids your age don't want to play with you because you can't talk. They don't know how to respond to your jargon/babble and they walk away. My heart breaks when this happens to you because you don't understand. Some day you will be able to say Mom again. Some day you will be able to tell me you love me, hate me, wish I was a better mother--these days I'd take anything. lol Some day when we go to the doctor you can tell her what is wrong--if your throat hurts or tummy hurts--but for now we'll do our best to interpret your tears. Some day we will do a ton of crafts because you'll understand what we're making and the directions I'm giving you. For now, cooking is your passion & you help us every night. As long as you have visual cues, you're awesome. I don't know a lot of other kids that can cut vegetables at this age (you were 18 mo old in this picture). :)
Today is the day I really let myself cry. Tomorrow your daddy & I will start taking pictures and using them to make visual schedules and prompts for you for everything. There is no doubt in anyone's mind that you will learn to talk. We'll get there but it will possibly take a few years. God gave you this school psychologist mommy because she knows all about disabilities, all about intervention, and all about how to love with a loyalty so fierce she'll take on anyone who dares to question your intelligence. God gave you to your daddy because he has the patience of Job, the stubbornness to see any challenge through, and the ability to get us all laughing like no one else. God gave you to us because He wanted to bless us in the best way imaginable. It is truly by God's grace that you were given to us and that is why we could think of no better name for you.
I can only imagine the lessons this will teach us but for now, one step at a time. First I'll have a good cry but tomorrow, we have work to do!
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